Letting It Go
by Night's Fang
Summary: IY-FMA Semi-AU Songfic. KagAl. As the tears start falling afresh silent screams of pain are renewed, she sends up a silent prayer to whatever divine entity or deity that thinks she may worth listening to to take pity on her wretched soul.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the animes I write about. I just borrow their characters and story-lines for my own enjoyment. Neither do I own the copytights to the lyrics of any song by Likin Park. Again I have borrowed it for my own enjoyment, (and yours).

**Summary:** In the very early hours of the morning, she lets the mask shatter. And as the tears start falling afresh; silent screams of pain are renewed, she sends up a silent prayer to whatever divine entity or deity that may be thinking that she's worth listening to, to take pity on her, and help her to one day be able to forgive herself, so that she can finally stop and live in peace.

If I say more I may give it away.

**Category:** Inu-Yasha & Full Metal Alchemist.

**Song:** What I've Done by Linkin Park from their new album Minutes to Midnight.

**Rating:** Teen.

**Genre:** Mainly Angst. Has a dash of Fantasy and Romance.

**Pairing:** A very, very rare one in this Crossover section.

**A/N:** I'm trying something new out because of two reasons which are stated at the end of this story. And forgive me if the starting seems vague. And I got my inspiration from the new song by Linkin Park, What I've Done.

_Italics_ - Lyrics.

* * *

**Letting It Go.**

She isn't what everyone perceives her to be. She isn't naïve, or pure, or innocent. She isn't the girl who has everything.

That's just how she presents herself to the world.

She pretends to be happy. She pretends to be cheerful. She pretends to be innocent, loving, and pure. She pretends that she is naïve. She pretends that she is the perfect little girl. She pretends that she is all right, and every little thing is fine.

And the entire world buys into it.

All the acquaintances she has ever come across, her teachers, all her friends at school, her relatives, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Inu-Yasha, her grandfather, her brother, and even her own mother.

Well maybe not her mother. The woman has her way of knowing everything about her.

And as long as the world buys into what she's showing them, the mask stays on, and the act continues. For she is the perfect pure, untainted, innocent girl after all. She could not know anything negative.

But oh she does.

For she knows what exactly love is. She knows what heart-ache and betrayal are as well. She knows the aching ambitious need to prove herself. She knows what pain and suffering are. She knows the seven sins like no one else does. She knows what it feels like to be haunted by the past, and though no matter how much pain it causes, she knows what it's like to not be able to let go. She knows how desperate the thirst of revenge can feel. She knows what hatred is.

She knows what true evil is.

And she personifies it. Which is why she hates herself.

And no one knows about it. For she pushes away everything to the back of her mind, and throughout the day the smiling mask stays on. And the world believes she is the perfect girl.

_In This Farewell, There's No Blood  
There's No Alibi  
Cause I've Drawn Regret, From The Truth  
Of A Thousand Lies_

_So Let Mercy Come, And Wash Away  
What I've Done  
I'll Face Myself  
To Cross Out What I've Become  
Erase Myself  
And Let Go Of What I've Done_

But in the night when darkness falls and her weary body succumbs to sleep after taking a break from their fast-paced exhausting search for Naraku and the shards of the Shikon-no-tama, that's when everything comes back.

That's when the nightmares begin.

Nightmares filled with tortured screams of pain, and anguish. Of images of famished people dying in a wasteland reaching out for not mercy, or any kindness but the most tiniest ounce of pity on their wretched souls. Nightmares of once lively bustling cities, towns, and villages being turned into wastelands in a matter of seconds. Nightmares of numerous nameless dead corpses lying one top of another in pits, decaying, rotting, blank eyes staring and faces twisted in terror and pain.

Nightmares filled with numerous shadowed monsters, inhuman creatures more humane then the humans she's met. Nightmares of mystic circles and tattoos. Nightmares of her humanity being tore away from her leaving her nothing more than a shell. Nightmares of war, glowing red light, and bloodshed. Bloodshed which she's caused.

Nightmares of once smiling comrades and friends, lying mutilated and dead on desert floors.

Nightmares of once lively, warm, gentle, loving, silver eyes lifelessly staring at her while his lips softly whisper the words _I still love you_.

And that's when she wakes up, towards the early morning long raven hair matted, chocolate eyes echoing sorrow, regret, a light insanity, sweating profusely, tears glistening in her eyes threatening to fall, rivulets of tear already mixed with the beads of sweat on her face.

She gets up dazed, and begins to run. Run as far as she can, away from everyone else. Run as fast as her legs can carry her before they cave in from too much exertion and she falls on her knees to the ground. And the façade melts, the mask shatters and the tears finally fall free.

She begins to weep hard letting tears fall to the ground, screaming in pain silently for her voice has left her, choking on her sobs, clutching her sides hard letting her nails dig into the flesh and rake through it leaving red trails and bruises on her skin. And two tattoos appear on her flawless creamy pale skin glowing – one a purple tattoo on her arm of a snake eating it's own tail glowing purple, and another more complex, tribal style tattoo on her back glowing a blood red – shining through her white sleeping shirt.

She cries for the numerous sins she has committed, for the countless people she has murdered in rage and greed. She cries for everything and everyone she held dear, she's lost because of her own doing – her greed to obtain the Philosopher's Stone. She cries for losing her humanity, her soul, the Homunculi, Roy, Riza, Havoc, Breda, Falmen, Furey, Ross, Armstrong, Elisia, Gracia, Shieska, Rose, Winry, Pinako, and Edward.

And she cries for losing the silver-eyed man the most. The only man she ever truly loved.

_Put To Rest  
What You Thought Of Me  
Well I Clean This Slate  
With The Hands Of Uncertainty_

So Let Mercy Come, And Wash Away  
What I've Done  
I'll Face Myself  
To Cross Out What I've Become  
Erase Myself  
And Let Go Of What I've Done

And after the tears stop falling, she lies there on the ground silently whimpering, her spirit broken as she looks at her hands. The very same hands she killed them with. The hands that are covered with a scarlet curtain of innocent blood.

Her body is numb despite the emotional turmoil she's going through, and she longs for any kind of physical sensation, to help her feel a little release.

So she tries to atone for her sins she's committed and the lives she's taken as the Scarlet Alchemist hoping that if she keeps doing good deeds, then maybe one day she'll be able to nullify her past and finally be free of it.

But deep inside no matter how much she wants it – no needs it – she's afraid to let go of her past. She's afraid to move on. She's afraid of being able to wake up one day and not have the memory of any old faces bring about no reaction in her. She's afraid of not being able to see their faces in her dreams. She's afraid of one day not being able to hear their voices calling out to her. She's afraid to let them go.

She's afraid to let _him_ go. Afraid to one day not be able to see the image of his elfin face, his long sandy brown hair, his silver eyes dressed in his usual black leather with the crimson overcoat on top.

Which is why no matter how much it haunts her; and how much grief it causes her, she still clutches at it.

That's why she's disgusted with herself. She's lonely, ashamed, and hurt and in emotional pain as memories of her past haunts her. For deep inside she lets it happen.

She lets them haunt her.

She lets _him_ haunt her.

And as the tears start falling afresh; the silent screams of pain are renewed, she sends up a silent prayer to whatever divine entity or deity that may be thinking that she's worth listening to, to take pity on her, and help her to one day be able to forgive herself, so that she can finally live in peace. For she knows that the others already have granted her their forgiveness.

She knows that _he_ has forgiven her.

But still she can't forgive herself. So she prayers to find the ability to do so and one day finally let go of her past.

Till then she'll still continue to atone.

She'll still put up the façade, and wear the mask, and continue her act.

The nightmares will still continue to invade her sleep.

And till then, his silver eyes and soft voice will forever haunt the mind of the former Scarlet Alchemist Kagome Higurashi.

Standing beside her the soul of Alphonse Elric invisible to worldly eyes weeps as he watches his raven hair lover mourn him in the twilight of the approaching dawn praying to that one day she can let go.

For both their sakes.

_For What I've Done_

I Start Again  
And Whatever Pain May Come  
Today This Ends  
I'm Forgiving What I've Done

I'll Face Myself  
To Cross Out What I've Become  
Erase Myself  
And Let Go Of What I've Done

What I've Done

**The End

* * *

**

**A/N: **Done. I hope you guys like it.

The pairing was Kagome Higurashi/Alphonse Elric

The reasons why I did this fic

1.) I was going through searching for good FMA/IY crossovers and most of them I've read were mostly Kagome/Edward, there were a few Kagome/Roy as well. Very few of them actually had a Kagome/Other Male Character pairing, like the rare Envy/Kagome, Greed/Kagome or Havoc/Kagome. Sure I love the Kagome/Edward Xover pairing, (Who doesn't?) but I'm pretty sure Edward – or Mustang for that matter – isn't the only person in the FMA anime that Kagome is compatible with. So that got my mind working.

2.) Also the base-line of the story has been fluttering behind in my mind for days now and all I needed was the perfect second character to fit in, and the only person who seemed appropriate was Alphonse because of his perpetual forgiving nature, which explains how I got my story.

Oh and I'm sorry if Kagome's Alchemist title sounds a bit unoriginal or bland, but for some reason whenever I picture Kagome I think of the colour Scarlet. I think it suits her.

Anyway I hope you enjoyed it.

P.S.: Leave a note. I accept flames.

And don't tell me I'm insane. I already know it.


End file.
